and another thing.....

I was ready to take on the world but I got distracted by something sparkly.

Lead me not into temptation, especially a shoe store.

Do you ever get the feeling your fairy Godmother stepped out for a smoke?

Put your big girl panties on and deal with it.

Shoes are proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can’t even get into my own pants.

Gardening, yoga and bubble baths, and I still wanna slap somebody.

I’ve been on a diet for 3 days and all I’ve lost is my sense of humor.

Laundry today or naked tomorrow.

When I get tired of shopping, I go try on shoes.

Last time I used a broom I flew somewhere.

First thing in the morning I try on my swimsuit then nothing else bad can happen the rest of the day.

Bitch I’m going to play your theme song now. It’s called dial tone.

I enjoy the little things in life, shoes, purses and jewelry.

To-Do List: NOTHING.

I’m a foodie wanna-be, I don’t cook but I wanna look.

Only one more shopping day ‘till tomorrow!

Heaven ran out of halos so I got this fabulous tiara instead.

Gone to my Happy Place. Back in a few.

I have multiple personalities and they all need shoes.

Keep Calm and Fake a British accent.

What if the Hokey Pokey is what it’s all about?

It clearly states princess on my birth certificate.

God save my shoes.

OMG, WTF is the BFD?

Oh, Boo-frickin’-Hoo. Have a cocktail and get over it.

Do I look like I give a rat’s ass?

Big butts will be in style.

Excuse me? Did you just talk to me before I’ve had my coffee?

I like you. You’re a even bigger mess than I am.

Bitch I’m going to play your theme song now. It’s called dial tone.

When it comes to dieting, remember one simple rule…”if you can’t lose it, decorate it.”

It’s not you, it’s me. Ok it’s you.

Please God – If you can’t make me thin… make my friends fat.

Call me a bitch again and I’ll pee on your leg.

Don’t you dare call me Ma’am.

It clearly states princess on my birth certificate.

Anyone who mentions carbs is dead meat.

Dear future lover, what is taking you so damn long? Sincerely pissed off, Me

Ask me about a fabulous career in bitching.

Keep Calm and Pretend This Is On The Lesson Plan.

I hate two faced people. It's hard to decide which face to slap first.

Just bring attitude.

A Fact of Life: After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F…

Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.

Damn right I’m good in bed. I can sleep for days.

It’s been lovely, but I have to scream now.

Cash is for amateurs.

B I T C H : Babe In Total Control of Herself.

There’s a fine line between tan, and looking like you rolled in Doritos.

Yeah, I end a Facebook conversation by liking the last comment.

Don’t get your knickers all up in a twist.

I’m too pretty to work.

I love it when someone’s laugh is funnier than the joke.

Our Lady of Perpetual Shopping.

Being unstable & bitchy is all part of my mystique.

I stopped believing for a little while this morning. Journey is gonna be so pissed when they find out.

What part of princess don’t you understand?

I don’t believe I’ve ever had too much fun

I’m just about to slam it into turbo-bitch.

Step away from the fridge…

Keep Calm and Sparkle On.

Well behaved women rarely make history.

Change your shoes.

I gave up jogging because my legs kept rubbing together & setting my pantyhose. on fire

Life can be full of frustration… but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.

Sorry, we’re open.

You say bitch like it’s a bad thing.

I give, and I give, and I give…..

I shaved my legs for this?

We can’t all be a princess…someone has to sit on the curb and clap as I go by.

Friends are like fat thighs, they always keep in touch.

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things I *unlike*